Grab My Wrist

Downs & Ups of Exam Prep

My exam for 5th kyu is Saturday morning - tomorrow. When I first started working with my mentor a month ago we began with a sort of diagnostic run-through of the exam. I knew all the technique names, and basically what they were. There was plenty of room for correction and refinement, but I wasn’t completely lost. I felt like I was on a pretty good trajectory for being ready by exam day.

Then in mid-January I did a seminar, which was great fun, and a tremendous experience. I loved it, but it was exhausting, and dumped a whole lot of new information into my little 6th-kyu brain.

The next couple of weeks were difficult all around, and left my confidence a bit battered. I couldn’t seem to do anything right in class. Friends on Facebook were commenting that my Aikido posts had been negative lately.

I accumulated a dozen or so small injuries and ailments - a jammed thumb, a knee that didn’t like to bend, sore shoulders and neck muscles, a stomped foot, assorted bruises and tight muscles, etc. I found myself stiff and guarded. Lingering symptoms from a cold in December returned, and my breathing was getting clogged up during class. One night I must have been dehydrated, and whited out (and sat right back down) when I stood up quickly from seiza.

Last Wednesday I had the worst bout of vertigo since starting Aikido. The world was spinning. I felt seasick and was tipping over and falling into things. Feeling grounded isn’t even a possibility in that state.

Vertigo also causes a cognitive hit, from all that brain CPU being used just to navigate in the world, I guess. It’s like the brain fog that rolls in when one has a cold. When I worked with my mentor last Friday, terminology I had down solid a month ago was lost in the fog. Techniques I’ve done well enough a hundred times were incomprehensible. I felt overwhelmed by how much I had left to learn.

There were other little things. Work seemed to be a morass of interruptions, distractions, and conflicting priorities. I couldn’t seem to get caught up on chores at home. One night a car easily going 100 mph very nearly rear-ended me on the freeway. The universe was not being kind.

Then on Sunday I participated in one of Sensei’s “In Focus” workshops, this time on ukemi. These workshops push us a bit. They are always revealing, and usually fun. While some of the exercises in this one were indeed fun, on the whole the experience was, for me, profoundly discouraging. The toes on my stomped foot were numb. I’d rolled funny on one shoulder, so my whole arm hurt and my fingers were tingling. I was told, and could see in the video, what I was doing wrong, but couldn’t feel it. It felt right, but wasn’t. Without accurate perceptions how can one make corrections? I’d had a similar experience, where I could not grasp *how* to learn something else in the past, and in that case I just give up entirely. So running into this particular personal brick wall was hard. Giving up Aikido is not an option, but I couldn’t see my way around the wall. A very perceptive fellow student gave me a bit of a pep talk (or a kick in the butt), but it was still a difficult day.

Less than a week to my test, and it felt like my Aikido, barely held together with duct tape and baling twine on a good day, was falling apart. Sunday night my status on Facebook said “Linda Eskin is looking for the lesson, hard.”

By Monday morning I decided I had to dig myself out of my rut. I remembered to take my allergy meds so I could breathe. I drank plenty of water, and walked at lunch. I stocked up on Gatorade and bananas to keep dehydration and muscle spasms at bay. I skipped going to the dojo to stay home to rest and heal, and to really study. I watched videos of each technique, reviewed my old descriptions of each, and wrote out new ones. When anything wasn’t clear, I noted that, so I could ask about it.

On Tuesday I visualized the whole test over and over. As I fed Rainy and the donkeys I heard the words Sensei will say, let myself be aware of the little crowd of parents there to watch their kids’ tests, felt what the cool blue mat will feel like, smelled how the mid-morning air will smell when it comes in across the little stream out behind the dojo, and heard the birds singing in the reeds. I saw and felt each technique in picture-perfect detail. I ran through it again as I got ready for work. Once more while I walked at lunch. And again as I drove to the dojo.

Tuesday night I did both classes. We reviewed all the techniques I was having trouble with, and did some great work on jiyuwaza. After class I got to practice with my mentor and with my fellow 5th Kyu candidate. We both did the whole test, plus jiyuwaza with each other. We got video of everything, and posted it so we could review it during the week. I felt so much better! Not quite ready, but confident that I could be ready by Saturday. Back on track!

Wednesday was another day off from classes. I iced and rested the ouchy parts, studied and visualized the techniques, and went out to dinner with my dear husband, Michael. Ended the day feeling more settled.

Yesterday morning, Thursday, I put together a playlist of positive, high-energy music that I love, and listened to that while driving. In the middle of a long day of meetings at work I managed to get outdoors once, sit quietly, and do the whole test again. The weapons class in the evening was very calming and reassuring. I may not be any better at weapons than at anything else, but I find them easier to comprehend. So weapons classes generally leave me feeling like I might have a bit of a clue about this stuff. I stayed late to watch some of the advanced class, write some notes and be sure I had all my questions down to ask my mentor on Friday. The class was doing some really interesting work on feeling shared energy and going with it. I’m very glad I stayed. I left feeling quietly excited, happy, and very grateful to be able to train with Sensei and my dojo mates.

Tonight is a 90-minute class with Sensei, and then a full run-through of the exam with my mentor. I’m really looking forward to both.  All I have to do tomorrow is show up, relax, breathe, and have fun.

TGIF (day 15 of 16)

This has been a very busy running-full-out kind of week at work. For some it’s been a pretty rough time. Everyone was quite ready to get started on the weekend this afternoon. For me it’s been mostly fun - the kind of work I enjoy, just lots of it, on tight deadlines. My body has had enough of sitting at a desk and using a trackball, even though I did get out for a quick walk at lunch. My brain could use a cooling-off period, too. Thankfully, I got to a good stopping point, and even entered my time for the week, before shooting out the door at 5:00.

I managed to pop a temporary crown off a molar today.  At 5:10 p.m. On a Friday. While driving in heavy traffic. On my way to the dojo. That’s always the best time for that sort of thing, you know. D’oh! Naturally I just stuck it back on, smooshed it down real good, and went on to class. Now I’m being very, very careful when I eat. Great.

Tonight’s class was a lovely respite from the madness. (I just looked up “respite” on Dictionary.com to be sure I am using it correctly. I am. “a delay or cessation for a time, esp. of anything distressing or trying; an interval of relief.”) I got there early enough for plenty of warming up and stretching, and for the meditation period. When class started we did a lot of very soft rolling exercises, and then one putting each other into a forward roll, and being aware of where the connection and center was. Lots of attentiveness to keeping alignment and integrity. It was a pretty meditative, mindful sort of class.

In spite of all that, it was physically a difficult class. My left upper-back/shoulder have hurt for 2 weeks, so rolling on that side (well, for the first 10 or so times each day), or breathing deeply, both feel a little like I’ve gotten the wind knocked out of me. Before class even started my left hip and right knee were unhappy (sitting for meditation didn’t help). To warm up before class I started to jump up and down a few times, and my ankle immediately hurt. One partner missed my arm doing ikkyo, and poked me right between the eyes. I almost got stepped on about 4 times, but the key word there is “almost.” Since actually getting stepped on twice this month (once on each foot) I’ve been more careful about that, and got my feet out of the way this time. And I have a few new bruises. No real harm done (although my knee worries me a bit - it’s an ongoing thing). Hooray for Arnica gel and ice packs.

There were a couple of techniques that I and my partner were both not feeling real good about yet when we had to stop practicing during class (shomen-uchi ikkyo, omote and ura), so we stayed after for a few minutes to work on them (and on katate-dori shihonage). I’m learning to be very happy with “better.” We definitely got them “better.”

I’ve been noticing the same thing in class, that I may not have a whole technique down, but I get some aspect of it right, or even if it’s not perfect, the overall thing flows a little more smoothly. Trending in the right direction is a good thing. I’ll take it.

Class ended on a more-contemplative-than-usual note, with Sensei reminding us that Aikido is not about attacking and defending, not me and you, but about the shared energy between partners. Good thoughts to take us into the weekend.

Working Hard, Playing Hard

This is day one of my 15-day personal Aikido Intensive. Tonight included lots to think about - refining some well-known techniques and exploring some new ones. Awesome class. After a very challenging week at work (at lot of which was engaging and rewarding, but still…), I really needed it, too.

Several of the techniques we worked on involved falling or rolling - quite a lot of it. I had been kind of stiff and achy all day, and the first few rolls I did before class weren’t pretty (or pleasant) at all. But by the end of the class my partner and I were playing pretty hard (by my standards, at least), and it was sheer fun. And afterward I felt a lot better than I did when I walked in.

As I was driving home I thought about my first phone conversation with Dave Goldberg Sensei. I knew I wanted to do Aikido, and was looking into training at Aikido of San Diego. I had heard somewhere about a low-impact class, and thought that might be what I needed, since I’ve had an abundance of foot, arm, hand, and shoulder problems (with all the associated PT, surgery, orthotics, etc.). Sensei explained that he’d tried that kind of class at some point, but he preferred that things be more inclusive, with everyone in the same classes. He said I wouldn’t be expected to do anything I couldn’t handle.

Part of that conversation was some nonsense from me about only being able to train once a week, and would that even be worth doing - and would he even have me as a student if that’s all I could make time for. Thankfully, he said “A little Aikido is better than no Aikido,” and invited me to come observe a class.

I had several concerns about doing Aikido. Because of foot problems I rarely wear sandals or go barefoot, even around the house. Walking from the car to the dojo in flip-flops was the first time in several years I’d worn anything other than fairly rigid, supportive shoes or boots. I felt naked. I considered taping my feet, but hoped I could handle working on the mat without that.

I’ve also had trouble with vertigo. On a few occasions it’s been so bad I could not stand up, walk, or even look around. Completely debilitating and miserable. Last Christmas I spent two days sitting still and staring into the distance. When I managed to walk to the barn to feed Rainy and the donkeys I was so disoriented I had to hang onto things, and got seasick anyway. It’s harmless, but awful. I’ve done months of PT for it, worked with vestibular disorders specialists, etc. I couldn’t even lie down flat without risking starting the spinning all over again.

In class, of course, the first thing to do was to learn rolls, with one of the senior students. I didn’t know what would happen when I tried - if the dojo would start spinning, if I wouldn’t be able to stand up… And I told them so, because seeing someone in that condition can be fairly worrisome to one who isn’t familiar with it. I had even arranged to call for a ride home, just in case I wasn’t able to drive.

After that first class, in May 2009, I had some pretty sore muscles, but nothing injured my shoulders or hands. My feet felt OK on the mat. And the rolling didn’t start the world spinning. (Woohoo!) Most of those problems are things I still need to take care about, but they haven’t stopped me, and all have improved since I started doing Aikido.

I got to thinking about all this as I was driving home. How lucky I am to be able to do this at all, physically. How grateful I am for Sensei’s stand on inclusive classes, and for giving a “one night a week” student a chance. How wonderful it is to just feel good in my body, even (especially) while playing pretty hard.

So if you see me grinning like an idiot while getting tossed across the dojo, now you’ll know why.

Triumph Over the Brain

Classes 9 & 10, Tuesday and tonight (Thursday).

Boy, what a contrast… If you’ve been keeping up (not that I would expect anyone to), you know that I injured my shoulder a while back. Through the miracle of PT, massage, ice, exercise, rest, ice, stretching, ice, and time, it is better. I got the OK on Monday of last week to go back to rolling/falling, with the admonition to not land on the top of my shoulder ever again.

Last Tuesday my brain was not ready to roll at all. I couldn’t even picture what a decent roll would look like. Stupid brain.

So this Tuesday I figure I’d manage to start back to rolling, which I was doing reasonably well before my injury (thank goodness for that, so I had some good mental point of reference). Alas, Tuesday’s class comes around, and I really couldn’t bring myself to get to do it. I also couldn’t seem to do anything else right in class. Very frustrating. And everyone I worked with was trying to be very helpful. And usually they are helpful. (I’m regularly amazed at how good everyone is at teaching, even 6th/5th kyu people.) But on Tuesday I couldn’t make heads nor tails of many of the techniques, so repeating them was just annoying, because I was repeating the wrong thing, or doing it differently each time. I was so disappointed with myself that I went home and by gosh practiced re-learning how to roll (very gently and slowly) in the living room floor.

That finally seemed to remind my brain a little that “See, we do so know how to do this!” I ended on a good note, and let that sink in for a couple of days.

So today I got to do another class (I’m on vacation this week). I got there 45 minutes early, and very slowly started working on rolling. Like, from on your hand and knees, sliding your hand under and behind, until you just tip over. Easy peasy, right?

It’s amazing what our brains can do to us after a “life threatening” experience. When I was a kid I was fearless on horseback. (Still am, pretty much.) You know the deal about getting back on the horse? Well it’s true. I used to come off all the time. No biggie. But one day I tumbled off right near the gate to the pen, at the end of the day. I wasn’t hurt at all, and it wasn’t traumatic or scary. I was probably laughing. But I didn’t get back on. Didn’t think anything of it. I just turned the horse loose and went home. The next time I came out to ride I caught the horse, groomed her, and never even thought about that “fall.” But when it came time to get on, I was shaking. Thankfully, I am too stubborn to give that input much weight, but it’s interesting (and unsettling). Our brains don’t take kindly to repeating situations where we “almost got ourselves killed.”

That same thing happened to me tonight. I had a huge area to myself, with all the time in the world, and was feeling great. I’d do a simple, easy, slow roll, and my heart would be pounding. I’d stop and sit, and let myself feel happy for having done it right, and notice that I wasn’t hurt, and visualize myself doing it again, correctly. And then I’d do it again. More heart-pounding. “Thank you for sharing, Brain. Let’s go…” And then from squatting down, but on my feet… Have you ever jumped off the start of a zipline? You know you’re safe, you know it’ll be fun, but your brain is panicking? Yeah, like that. Walked around and shook it off, breathed, walked, squatted down and rolled. Got up, walked and breathed. And rolled again. Each time I’d wait until I was as relaxed as I could get, and just let myself tumble into a roll. And let myself experience that I did it, and that I was fine. Brain started to let my heart slow down a little.

Sensei reminded me that there is no rush. Maybe I should replace the “Patience My A**” sign on my office door with “There is no rush.” Great reminder, and one I need regularly.

And then class started. I’d never been to the Thursday night class, but whatever. They’re all Aikido classes, right? Uh… If I’d paid attention to what it said on the schedule, and not just the time, I might’ve noticed that it was a weapons class. I’ve been meaning to try that, but yikes… “Everybody go grab a jo.” What? Acck! OK… LOL It went really well. All the helpful people were magically helpful once again. I ended with doing techniques better than when I started, and was not confused about them (not good at them, but at least I understood what the heck I was trying to do). I even managed to very comfortably and confidently roll out of some jo techniques.

Aikido is fun again.

Darned Brain…

Class 8, I believe, was last Tuesday evening.

I’ve been a bit slow putting together enough connected thoughts about it to make a proper blog post. Now I’m just giving up and blurting out some unconnected things.

First, I got a surprise at my PT appt on Monday. My PT was very happy, told me to cancel my upcoming appointment, and gave me the go-ahead to roll, fall, and whatever else I want to do. “But if you land on that shoulder again, don’t come crying to me.”

Class was on Tuesday. I figured it would be best to start with rolling practice (solo only, I mean), and just do back rocking-falls (not all the way over) as uke. I wasn’t quite confident enough to do forward rolls out of techniques. That seemed like a conservative and rational plan.

Strange though, how our brains are not rational. I say “easy, soft rolls that I was doing quite happily and with confidence before I got injured, so no problem.” Brain, on the other hand, says “Uh, no way. We’re gonna die.” So I was thinking too much, and being too cautious and tense, and nothing worked well (except the sitting-backwards-and-rocking-back kinds of falls). I couldn’t do a simple slow back roll to save my life. Have you seen that Garfield (the cat) cartoon where John (the owner) asks Garfield how he manages all 4 feet when he walks, and Garfield gets to thinking about it, and then can’t walk because he’s so confused? It felt like that.

Well, OK, I did *one* back roll very nicely after class, but when I tried to do it again, it was gone. I rolled on my spine, and thunked my head on the mat, and rolled with my shoulders stiff. The more I tried to get it right, the more I got it wrong. No injuries - I didn’t do any damage - but my brain got to say “See, I was right! I told you it was going to hurt.” This could be an interesting downward spiral if I don’t get it stopped, pronto.

I didn’t do much better with anything else in class, either. Thank goodness there were a few brand new students, so we went slowly over some really simple stuff. Over, and over, and over. Which I really needed. There were a couple of things that finally started to click.

Strangely, I could not grasp irimi. The simplest thing ever. I kept stepping too far, turning too much, turning the wrong way. I wonder if we get any better at learning as we age? Something got me thinking this morning about learning to write letters as a little kid. Do you remember doing drills, following examples, tracing letters, and practicing, practicing, practicing? One would think you could hear “Look, it’s like a pointy teepee, with a bar across the middle,” and that would be it. But it took ages, and it wasn’t easy. Aikido feels like that. A lot of it is simple, but for some reason it’s hard to remember “oh yeah, I step *this* way…”

Another thing this class pointed out (strongly) is that I’m pathetically out of shape aerobically-speaking. We did the same throw many times near the end of class, in a pretty good rhythm. I grab left, I go down, I grab right, I go down, you grab left, I throw you, you grab right I throw you, repeat. That was great, because it finally started to really flow, without thinking. But dangit I need to spend a lot more time on the elliptical trainer.

Speaking of which, I asked my PT about setting up an ongoing exercise program I can do at home (correctly), for strength and flexibilty, so my muscles are supporting my joints, so I can hold myself in proper posture for more than 2 minutes, etc. He referred me to a trainer who is a PT herself (and so won’t have me doing stupid things that will just get me injured). I’ve got two sessions with her the week after next. Very excited about that.

Next week I’m off work, so I might get to do a few extra classes. I’m hoping I can convince my brain that it can shut up and just let the body relax and roll. “Thank you for sharing, brain. You can sit down now.”

Back on the Mat!

This was class #7, I believe.

I had been figuring (based on what my PT had said a couple of weeks ago) that I’d be out for a few more weeks yet. But yesterday both he and my orthopedic Doc put me through the ringer with exercises and x-rays, and both agreed I was doing great, and could go back to class. No rolling or falling yet, but anything else that doesn’t hurt is fair game. I even showed Doc a video (on my iPod) from my dojo, to be sure he understood what Aikido was. He thought I was nuts to want to do that (he’s hilarious), but didn’t think my shoulder would be in danger. Woohoo!

I tried some gentle warm-ups from class at home last night, as a sanity check, and that went well. So tonight I joined in, instead of just watching.

I kinda figured I would make it partway through (a 90-minute class), and would start to get sore/ouchy, but noooo…. I did fine. Everyone was very considerate in their techniques, and really nothing hurt at all. I’m just giddy. Yay!

The exercises I’ve been able to do (both strengthening, and mental/awareness kind of things) have made a huge difference. (Many thanks to everyone who suggested things to do, and cautioned me about things to not do, in response to a question I asked on the Forums this past week!) I don’t feel any of the muscle pain I did in the first few classes, and felt more stable and solid during class.

I was especially encouraged right from the start (during a pre-class 15-minute meditation period), when my right knee did not hurt. It was chonically stiff. Seiza hurt, and sitting cross-legged hurt more. I’ve been doing lots of warming up, stretching, and massage, and it’s been getting better. Tonight, not even a twinge.

There were even a few moments when I felt glimmers of competency. I’m still a tangle of arms and legs, all going in the wrong directions (bless Sensei’s patient heart, and my fellow students), but every now and then I got them a little bit organized and did the right thing, more or less.

I’m not letting up on the ice packs, exercises, stretches, or PT, but meanwhile, I’m very encouraged, and looking forward to next Tuesday.

Training Diary - The First 6 Classes

From my notes on my first six Aikido classes:

Physical Info - Starting Point

Health: Coming off 2 weeks or a horrendous cold. Feeling better.
Weight: 189 lbs., goal of 160 lbs. (And then “We’ll see.”)
Fitness: Sedentary work, semi-active fun (cleaning horse pen, gardening…). Few PT exercises for shoulder. No working out or stretching for many years.
Vertigo: Much better over past couple of months. Encouraged, but concerned that rolling and breakfalls could set it off again.

Activities

Tuesday evening, May 5, 2009
Class #1
Really fun, awesome people, great time, very excited about Aikido.
Very sore, tired quads later. Did lots of walking and stretching.

Started walking around park several times during the day at work.

Saturday morning, May 9, 2009
Class #2
An hour before class something “went out” a little in my hip. Figured it would loosen up with work. Ha! Wrong. On very first attempt at rolling hip went into spasm.
Limped through class. (Too stubborn to bow out.)
Did lots of walking and stretching for several days. Probably piriformis muscle. Learned trigger point technique using foam roller, which helped.

Tuesday evening, May 12, 2009
Class #3
Very comfortable. Feeling good. Halfway competent at where to stand, what to do…

Wednesday evening, May 13, 2009
Class #4
Forward rolls from standing/walking. Great fun. Lots of work on breathing, centering, flowing… Quiet blending exercises - nothing I had envisioned doing in a “martial art” - very cool!
Right at end of class landed hard on right shoulder.

Between classes
Major pain. Several days of Really Bad Muscle Spasms in shoulder. Lots of intensive work with icing, heat, and trigger points.

Breathing and centering exercises from class are tremendous for pain control. Open posture and attitude (?) reduce pain & discouragement, while closed posture and focusing on self make everything notably worse. Lots and lots of stopping, centering, breathing in the universe, focusing outward, extending.

Saturday, May 16, 2009
Observed class and tests! Dojo picnic at Santee lakes.
Lucky timing, that I should have the chance to meet so many people so soon.

Between classes
Shoulder much better, but not enough, by Monday. Off to Orthopedic guy who had done earlier bone spur removal surgery on that shoulder. Dx: Minor separation of the AC joint. Rest, ice, activity as tolerated. No Aikido. Next check in 2 weeks.

Tuesday evening, May 19, 2009
Observed class
Paid especially close attention to things I could do on my own, trying to be sure I understand them well enough to practice the right thing: Stretches, breathing, warm-up exercises, hanmi. Walking, grounding, aligning, settling. Many notes on names of techniques, and elements to remember.

Between classes
Holistic Health Practicioner (HHP) back from vacation. 90-minute massage. Many knots undone, bless her very skilled heart and hands.

Tuesday evening, May 26, 2009
Observed class
Similar notes and observations. Watching classes is time well-spent, but very much like “watching all the other kids play in the pool.” Very frustrating.

Saturday morning, May 30, 2009
Observed weapons class and open-hand class
Brought two friends who have been thinking about studying Aikido. One, Sue, with whom I used to work, and had not seen in years, and a new friend, Edgar, from Twitter who I was just meeting for the first time.
Had not really considered weapons work, but am now thinking it would be a very good idea to be doing this too.

Between classes
To Doc for shoulder check on Monday. Happy with progress. OK to do classes, but no falling or rolling. Yay! Next check in 3 weeks.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Class #5
Back on the mat! Was able to do quite a lot. Finally remembered to say “onegai shimasu” at the right time. Progress! Sensei very kind about alerting me to upcoming techniques I would not be able to do. Some ouchy experiences, but mostly good.

Between classes
Still icing shoulder 3-5x/day. Some heat, too.
90-minute massage with HHP. Many more nasty knots.
On Monday not happy with progress. Feeling worse, not better. Other shoulder starting to hurt almost as bad. Made PT appt.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Class #6
Participated, but a bit more cautiously. Could not lift hands over head without pain. Sat out about half the class. Should’ve just observed.

Between classes
PT appt. Turns out there’s also an injury to the brachial plexus - a bunch of nerves. Numbness & tingling in fingers. Not a good thing. I am not to do anything that causes any pain in shoulders. Now 2x/week PT for 4 weeks. Must get injured tendon calmed down so it does not irritate nerve. Benched for at least 4 more weeks, if I’m lucky, and then will have to be careful to not reinjure shoulder.

Physical Info - Current

Health: Felt like cold was coming back. Doc says allergies. Treating that, and feeling 80% better.
Weight: 181 lbs. Down 8 lbs. Goal of 160 lbs.
Fitness: Walking breaks at work. Taking stairs. Lots of stretching & exercises on my own (stepping on/off straw bale 20 reps, 2x/day).
Vertigo: No problems so far w/rolling or falls. Survived 4-hour sailing adventure, even.


Finally - up to date. Whew. Hmm… I was thinking I had done 7 classes, but it’s only 6.

Getting Up To Date

My first post was a bit of background. This one is a quick summary of my first few weeks of studying Aikido. The wide-angle view, for now. I’ll elaborate on many of these details in future posts.

First, you will recall I was sidelined by a shoulder injury. I landed smack on the top of my right shoulder in my 5th class. I sat out classes for a few weeks, coming to watch and take notes. I’ve even brought a few friends who have been thinking of studying Aikido. Observing is a very valuable, if frustrating, experience. I highly recommend the watching and taking notes part, but you might prefer to do it without getting injured first.

My orthopedic doc thought I was healing well, and told me at the 3 week point to take it easy - no falling or rolling for several more weeks - but I could go back to class. Joy!

I took it easy, both in class (twice), and everywhere else, but it seemed to not be improving as much as I’d hope, and in fact things I could do OK last week were now more painful. I sat out probably 50% of Tuesday’s class, and even at that I probably overdid it.

So off to physical therapy. Physical therapists are miracle workers, and I’ve worked with this one before. He’s good, and I trust him. I figured I’d get some coaching on exercises I could do at home to help strengthen the right things, and avoid injuring the wrong things. Instead he found that the injury was worse than first thought. So now it’s ultrasound, TENS unit type work, supervised light exercises at his office, more ice, less independent exercise and activity and, you guessed it, no Aikido for at least a few more weeks, if things go well.

I’ll definitely be skipping an upcoming workshop that Sensei is giving later this month. (Rats!) Still hoping, hoping, hoping I’ll be OK by late July to participate in a workshop with Robert Nadeau Shihan, who will be visiting our dojo. (See Events on www.aikidosd.com, if you’re interested in participating in either workshop.)

Meanwhile, I’ve been doing what training I can - endurance, stretching and strengthening, and practicing (to the best of my understanding) moving from my center, using good posture, and so on, as I do normal daily things.

I’ve read several books, with several more on deck, listened to podcasts over and over, read everything I can find online, and watched videos on YouTube. Last night I bought and downloaded the Aikido3D application, which looks very useful. And of course there’s participating here and talking with aikidoka on Twitter (I’m @LindaEskin, if you’re there).

Right now I’m feeling unbalanced. Not in a bad way, just uneven. Lots of book learning, including history, philosophy, teaching methods, experiences of others’ study of Aikido, and plenty of general culture and humor. But I can hardly put together the names and rudimentary motions of even a few basic techniques, for lack of any consistent practice. I know that stuff will come with time…

I’m so grateful for all the encouragement I’ve gotten from fellow aikidoka, in person, online, and from writers I may never meet directly. This injury is a speed bump of sorts. It has forced me to slow down, observe, and think. I have a painted wooden sign, hanging by a charming gingham ribbon, on my office door, which says: PATIENCE MY A**. (Except my sign isn’t shy about spelling it out.) Maybe an early injury is the universe’s dope slap to snap me out of that rushed attitude. Wake up, be careful, go slow, work for mastery not speed.

I am even more grateful to have found, in good part due to luck and convenience, an extraordinary school. Sensei and the other students are very patient and understanding, and all are good teachers. The facility is very nice - an oasis of sorts. More importantly, the depth and quality of what’s available there is impressive. I’m sure I’m only able to see the tip of the iceberg from my perspective as an utter beginner, but the more I discover, the more fortunate I realize I am,.

Thank you for walking my path with me a little ways. I was going to say I’m not normally this long-winded, but maybe I am. I’m sure there will be more long posts, and lots of short ones. We’ll see.

Introduction

I am reposting my introduction (from the AikiWeb.com Forums) here, with a few edits, just to have everything in one place. In the next post I will bring things up to date.

After that this will be a more normal blog, with semi-regular training notes, random observations, and thoughts on Aikido, and applying it to horsemanship, riding, and everything else.

Please join me as I walk this path.

- - - - -
Greetings, and thank you for reading my introduction.

Some basic basics: I’m a 46 y/o woman in the San Diego area. Horseperson for fun. User experience analyst for a living. 30 lbs overweight. Sturdy and strong, but out of shape. Did a little Tang Soo Do in high school (through the 1st test). Loved it, but went off to college and left it behind.

I recently came to Aikido via a book by Mark Rashid, a gifted horse trainer and author. I had been aware of Aikido before, but his book “Horsemanship Through Life” is what prompted me to begin studying it. I was originally hoping to improve my balance, fitness, awareness, relaxation, and breathing, all of which apply nicely to working with and riding horses.

The universe has been making me work very hard to get started in Aikido! After I decided to check into studying it I hurt my hand. Weeks later got cleared to do stuff. Checked out a dojo, was very impressed, and promptly cought the Worst Cold Ever. 3 weeks later, on May 5th, 2009, feeling good but still unable to speak above a hoarse whisper, I started classes.

Lesson one: Persistance. Rrrr…

I got off to a bit of a rough start, with some muscle spasms after my first class. (Tip, don’t start with the longest class your dojo offers, esp. after weeks of being sick. Duh.) I got that cleared up with lots of gentle exercise and was back 4 days later, having a blast, and trying to slurp up information as fast as my brain could absorb it. Things went well for classes 2 and 3, and then in my 4th class I demonstrated some particularly horrid ukemi by landing smack on the top of my right shoulder. Much ice and pain later it seems I have a level 1 (minor) separation of the AC joint, so I’m down for a couple of weeks, at least. I can do whatever doesn’t hurt, but am not to push it.

Lesson two: Humility. D’oh!

I am grateful to fellow AikiWeb citizens Mary Eastland, who posted about being annoyed with a broken wrist, and Darryl Bronson, who posted about having Aikido withdrawal after knee surgery. Aside from feeling less alone and sorry for myself, for being benched before the end of my 2nd week, I now have lots of ideas for productive ways to use the time. I will be continuing to go to class, watching, taking notes, and learning everything I can. As my shoulder improves I’ll join in one-sided or somehow just work on those things I can do. I’ve had a shoulder problem before. With proper care and PT it healed fine. This will too.

Lesson three: Patience. Sigh…

Aikido in general, and my dojo in particular (Aikido of San Diego), felt like the right choices from the first moment, and everything since has confirmed that. Yes, the simple things I had hoped to address in my life and riding are there, but there’s so much more depth to the art than I had considered. The more I learn, the more I find that Aikido applies to every aspect of living, in a way that harmonizes with my temperament. The people I’ve met through Aikido (both in the dojo, and online) have been universally smart, thoughtful, kind, patient, and a lot of fun.

I am looking forward to a very long and interesting journey, and to getting to know people here. And I promise to try to not be so long-winded every time I post.

[And later, from my comments in that introduction thread…]

The similarities between Aikido and horsemanship are really stunning. I’m working (slowly) toward doing dressage, which is basically a martial art in which harmony with the horse is the goal. Dressage tests are very much like kata - demonstrations of a set of skills at each level. Nervousness, confusion, or annoyance on the part of the horse are counted against your score. Training a horse is a little like teaching it ukemi - to follow the feel you are offering.

It’s funny, I have pretty good “eyes in the back of my head” for sensing what my horse might be up to next, but when we try to anticipate an attack in class (respond as soon at uke moves toward us) I’m pathetically slow. It’ll come with time, I suppose.

By the way, I also have donkeys. They will teach one patience. And they respond so much better to trust and polite requests than to authority and force. Besides, they are smart, and cute.

I have found, with my 5 y/o draft-cross greenie, who can buck like a rodeo horse, that tensing up, hanging on, and holding my breath isn’t a very good strategy for staying with him. It’s easier to throw someone who’s not relaxed, I hear. Hoping Aikido helps in that respect…

I’ve not played with weapons yet, but I’m guessing years of forking manure has got to help with jo work. We’ll see.